My wife says I only have two faults.
Everything I say and everything I do.
Everything I say and everything I do.
'Two faults' sets up the expectation of a limited, specific list — but 'everything I say and everything I do' is a total, comprehensive demolition. She technically named two categories, but those two categories cover all possible human behavior. The restraint of saying 'two' makes the unlimited scope of the answer devastating.
Deliver with a slightly tired acceptance, as if your wife has a point and you've made peace with it. The concession lands better than playing defensive.
Perfect for:
The average adult hears about 1,500 jokes per year but can only remember about 10% of them. The ones that stick? Usually puns and wordplay — the backbone of dad humor.
I asked the waiter if the fish was fresh.
Next joke →I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
My wife asked me to go get something that makes her look sexy.
So I got drunk.
My wife told me she wanted something that goes from 0 to 200 in seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn't have time.
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