25+ Best Dad Jokes That'll Make You Groan

I'm thinking about removing my spine.

To the man who invented zero:

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

I just found out I'm colorblind.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson.

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

I used to run a dating service for chickens.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

I tried to catch fog yesterday.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

Mountains aren't just funny.

I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt.

How do you make holy water?

Three guys walked into a bar.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

I'm not a fan of stairs.

What do you call a magician who lost their magic?

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Why do bees hum?

I asked my date to meet me at the gym.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

My doctor told me I had Type A blood.

What do you call a number that can't keep still?

I went to buy some camo pants.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

What does a nosy pepper do?

I gave away all my dead batteries today.

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

I told my son I was named after George Washington.

I've got a chicken-proof front lawn.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the supply closet?

I've been reading a book about mazes and labyrinths.

I used to work at a calendar factory.

Why don't melons get married?

I'm no good at math, but I know that happiness is multiplied when shared.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

I lost my job at the bank on my first day.

I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger.

Why can't a leopard hide?

I bought the world's worst dictionary.

What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

I couldn't believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

What do you call a man with no nose and no body?

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

My wife accused me of being immature.

What do you call a dog that does magic?

I have a joke about paper.

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

Why did the coffee call the police?

I asked my dog what two minus two is.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

I was really struggling to understand how lightning works.

What do you call two octopuses that look the same?

I'm addicted to brake fluid.

What did the math teacher say about the student's geometry test?

I used to work at a paper shop.

Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.

My landlord says he wants to talk to me about my high heating bill.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament.

Two goldfish are in a tank.

I know a lot of jokes about retired people.