My wife said I need to be more affectionate.
So now I have two girlfriends.
So now I have two girlfriends.
'More affectionate' means show more love to your wife — but the speaker interprets it as a quantity problem and doubles the number of recipients. The solution technically increases total affection dispensed while missing the original request in the most spectacular way possible.
Sound proud of the efficient solution you've engineered. You identified a problem, you scaled up appropriately. The self-satisfaction is key.
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The average adult hears about 1,500 jokes per year but can only remember about 10% of them. The ones that stick? Usually puns and wordplay — the backbone of dad humor.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.
Next joke →I went to a seafood disco last week.
My wife walked in on me while I was getting dressed after a shower.
She said, 'I wish you'd do sit-ups.' I said, 'I wish you'd do push-ups.'
My wife told me to whisper dirty things in her ear.
So I said, "kitchen, bathroom, living room."
😏 Dirty Dad JokesMy wife just caught me blowing my nose on the bedsheets.
I guess I should have waited for her to leave the bed.
😏 Dirty Dad JokesMy wife asked me to get "ribbed" condoms from the store.
I came back with a rack of ribs. Now I'm sleeping on the couch.
😏 Dirty Dad JokesMy wife said I was immature and needed to grow up.
I told her it's hard to grow up when she keeps treating me like a baby in the bedroom.
😏 Dirty Dad JokesWe've got 2,000+ dad jokes across 20 categories. Find your next favorite.