What do you call a guy lying in front of your door?

Matt. What do you call a guy lying behind your door? More Matt.

My wife told me to go and get something that makes her look hot.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

More Dirty Dad Jokes

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum.