Dad Jokes for Accountants

Why did the math book look so sad?

I asked my dog what two minus two is.

Why did the man put his money in the blender?

I asked a German girl for her number, but I'm still waiting for the rest of the digits

What has a head and a tail but no body?

What did the zero say to the eight?

Why was the math book depressed?

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

I used to hate math.

I recently started investing in stocks.

My wife told me I was average.

My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for our anniversary.

I told my financial advisor I was feeling insecure.

Today my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 1.4 root beers.

What concert costs just 45 cents?

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

To the man who invented zero:

What do you call a number that can't keep still?

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I'm no good at math, but I know that happiness is multiplied when shared.

I asked my dog what two minus two is.

What did the math teacher say about the student's geometry test?

To the person who invented zero:

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

You know what's really odd?

I used to be a banker.

How do you count cows?

Why did the employee get fired from the coin factory?

Where does a network engineer go for number 1?

Whenever I'm lonely I always open Excel and go to the first line of the 1,514th column.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have a beer." The second says "I'll have half a beer." The third says "I'll have a quarter of a beer.", etc.

What did the lumberjack say about the mathematician who couldn't dance?

What do you call a turkey who loves math?

What do you call a broke Santa?

Why did Santa bring 22 reindeer to the party?

Did you hear about the dad who made his kids do math on Father's Day?