25+ Best Dad Jokes of All Time That'll Make You Groan

I'm afraid for the calendar.

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

You know what's really odd?

Why do fathers bring an extra pair of socks when they play golf?

Wanna hear a joke about a piece of paper?

I used to be a banker.

What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

What country's capital is growing the fastest?

I once got fired from a canned juice company.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

I asked my dog what's two minus two.

What do you call a toothless bear?

I've been told I'm condescending.

Did you hear about the circus fire?

Can February March?

I have a joke about trickle-down economics.

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.

I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda.

What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

How do astronomers organize a party?

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.

I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes printed on them?

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I lost my job at the bank on my first day.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.

I went to a wedding where two antennas met on a roof.

My wife told me I was acting like a flamingo.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

Two goldfish are in a tank.

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

How does Moses make his coffee?

I tried to catch some fog yesterday.

I just found out I'm colorblind.

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

I know a lot of jokes about retired people.

My doctor told me I had Type A blood.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school?

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.

My wife accused me of being immature.

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

I went to buy some camo trousers.

I gave all my dead batteries away today.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I've been thinking about removing my spine.

What do you call a fake noodle?

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

My landlord texted me saying we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.

Justice is a dish best served cold.

What does a nosy pepper do?

I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt.

I used to run a dating service for chickens.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.

I'm addicted to brake fluid.

I've got a chicken-proof front lawn.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

What do you call a magician who lost their magic?

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

I used to be a personal trainer.

My wife asked me to stop singing "Wonderwall" to her.

I'm reading a horror story in braille.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?"

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not going to share it.